Releasing Your Being

We know that pain is far from beautiful in its initial experience of heart wrenching agony. It appears as a chasm that is nowhere near complete or whole. It tears at us, and urges us to feel that if we don't identify with what happened, we may as well forget our lives altogether. Our actions become a response to the pain we feel and our own expressions of life lived are sometimes shadowed by living in our fears. This is where it becomes possible to feel our own pain return to us after being forgotten for a long time. We feel our lives change in response to what caused us pain, and that is what we identify with when wellness seems to be gone. The conflict can linger in our lives even when the pain is forgotten. This is apparent when we try to be whole and run into the wall of hurt that seemed to be gone.

Some days these feelings seem to be so present there seems no way through. Other days, a wall emerges in the midst of everyday routine that appears as the ordinary and mundane fades into reminders of feeling that hadn't occurred to us in years. As that present moment is seasoned with a taste of a feeling that we have felt before it can be recognized as those old feelings that lingered in our subconscious until we found that it was woundedness and resentment that pulled us under.

These feelings, be they disappointment, loneliness, bitterness, as any myriad complex of emotional mashups have roots in the daily life. The walls that emerge, seemingly out of nowhere, come from the build up of this pain that has been swept under the rug until it cannot be ignored any further.

We cannot always stay close to those who have hurt us when we need to be whole again. Sometimes we need to be accepting and patient with our lives as we take the steps to be where we need to be whole again.  It is easier to respond to our own hearts with an understanding of the tension and the shame that these instances cause us to feel. We can be conflicted in ways we didn't even know we could, and when we see our humanity, we see that feeling whole includes our being ourselves in the broken places of our lives.

Being face to face with the experience of our hurt places is a frightening idea. It brings us to a place of unease, until there is a recognition of who that person with experiences of pain and wellness together is. As pain is understood, by feeling the impact of it in our lives and those around us, we find it no longer overpowering us. It gives us a connection to our lives and our true nature as we use what makes us alive to bring ourselves back to living.

Step by Step

I have a hard time looking for the answers to questions of life that I'd rather live and discover answers to than have it all figured out. That doesn't keep me from asking the questions that come back even when I thought I had the answer. The practice of being incorporates all that changes and develops across a lifetime. It is here that brings presence to a stillness while change constantly brings me to surprises that delight and surprises that make me concerned. The long term view that opens my eyes to the past and opens my soul to the future give me a chance to explore what this present can be.

Sharing this life, one that is a dance with the changing seasons and folk of all kind brings me to realize how much stay the same over the years. It is this sameness that brings out the goodness that is still full and rich in the midst of rain clouds and stormy tumult. To offer or receive a hand in the midst of uncertainty is to walk the world in greater harmony. When realizing our wealth of experiences are worlds to bring together, we find that even our differences are what we have in common.

For me, friendship has been a source of connection as well as collaboration. It can form a bridge that connects two souls or it can bring together ways of living that enhance the art of each person's experience. For friends to grow close, there often has to be an experience that each person recognized as a place where deepening and opening could occur. It is the opening of life that is like a new day, a flower unfolding its petals, a collaboration in creating a sports victory or a song, that embraces the other, that takes life in its grasp and lets go so that it can hold another hand, touch another soul, and sing a song for the times of sharing. The path of a friendship is the chance to be one's self and become one with their life as they live and laugh in the way of love for another.